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Difficult Conversations in the Workplace

By Trenna Vangel

Jan 16, 2023

Posted in: employment, health, workplace

Why Do We Have to Have Them?

Nobody likes a difficult conversation. More often than not they are stressful, harmful to our relationships and sometimes, they don’t even result in the effect that we hoped they would. So why do we continue to have them?

In the article You Can’t Win by Avoiding Difficult Conversations (2017) Bruce Patton argues that our behavioural patterns are learned and reflect how we see the world, but he points out that our behavioural repertoire can be expanded on and modified through help. He argues “another person offering feedback, suggesting alternative ways of thinking and acting, and inquiring to help the learner understand and reflect on their own implicit driving motivations and behavioural logic” can create motivation for change.

An important aspect of any boss’ job is prompting their staff to reflect and critically think about their work and interactions within a workplace on a day-to-day basis. Often that means having a conversation about problematic behaviours or incidents and making plans for mentoring or coaching as a good first step. It is important that an administrator continues checking in to see which supports are working and adjusting those that are not. The conversation itself is likely the most difficult part of this cycle, but it is not the only part.

Navigating Difficult Conversations: Research has shown that difficult conversations go best when planned. There are 6 key skills that can help you navigate them:

Skill 1: The manager expresses a grounded point of view. This is the ability to explain what they believe the issue to be, why it is important and what they feel the solution to the problem is. This gives the employee the opportunity to understand more clearly where the concern is coming from and examine the evidence. This understanding is important for the employee to be able to engage.

Skill 2: The manager seeks a deeper understanding of the other’s point of view. This is the manager listening to the employee’s side of the problem, seeing where the reported facts may differ and taking them into account. This is also an important part of maintaining or restoring trust with an employee.

Skill 3: The manager checks his or her understanding of the other’s point of view. The manager is checking to ensure that they are interpreting their staff member’s point of view correctly, showing respect not only for the person but also for their version of the truth. This allows for clarification, further dialogue as well as a checkpoint to ensure that there are no misunderstandings.

Skill 4: The manager helps the other consider alternate points of view.

Skill 5: The manager is open to examination of his or her own points of view.

This consideration of other points of view causes doubt of the initial position and openness to alternate solutions. If done well, this step not only leads the other to be open to alternative possibilities but also often shifts the original thinking of me vs. them to us vs. the problem.

Skill 6: The manager and employee agree on what to do next. This is the step wherein the manager works toward a solution that is mutually appealing and addresses both the task and relationship.

Difficult conversations are a necessary tool within any environment where humans are interacting together. The modern world has fostered an environment such that many people spend as much or more time at work as anywhere else, so these conversations are of increased importance due to those proportions. In order to create work environments that prioritize trust, growth and learning for employees, conversations must be undertaken with an understanding of what makes a difficult conversation satisfying for both parties and doing away with tactics that can create fear and anger. Working in the education sector involves such a complex set of skills, that work is almost never perfect. The key to being an accomplished worker is acquiring the skill to continually improve one’s practice: an important part of that is reflection and conversation. We all have a responsibility to broach these conversations so that we can all benefit from a workforce that is continuously growing and learning.

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